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Six weeks ago I received my rheumatology “first visit questionnaire” and filled it out. Three pages of pretty detailed questions “Considering all the ways in which illnesses and health conditions may affect you at this time, please indicate how you are doing:” (on a scale of 0, very well to 10, very poorly) and shading in “usual pain” areas on a pretty buff male figure (maybe they used Hugh Jackson). Tonight I pulled the paperwork out, as I’ll see the rheumatologist tomorrow and I wanted to double-check the answers. I am concerned.
Tonight I am in a very different place regarding my pain than I was six weeks ago. This week has been particularly hard on me (I hope it’s due to stress and the changes in weather) and so I amended the questionnaire in a different pen than what I used before. I am concerned that there has been such a steep decrease in my functioning in six weeks. I’ve even talked with a friend about allowing the rheumatologist to suggest antidepressants. I know the pain isn’t in my head, but if I can change my head space about the pain, I think that it would lessen. Aleve, Advil and Tylenol do nothing for me. I have prescriptions for Vicodin and for Oxycontin which I’m not comfortable using more than once or twice a week right now, but I might have to change my mindset about that as well.
For those who don’t know, I am a true believer in prayer, and so I have been praying fervently for relief. I am beginning to feel lead to pray for a different mindset about the pain I’m currently in, though. A close friend told me that this pain may be the thorn in my side, it may be the reminder I need to lean on my Maker, my Abba, the One who will heal me the day I meet Him. I think she may be more right than she knows.
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